Relationships
The Five Stages
We often hear older couples say, "We knew the moment we saw each other from across the room that this was the one..."
Although many of us wish we could experience love this way, the reality is that for the majority of us, relationships involve certain phases.
The first phase is the honeymoon. "Love--ain't it great!" This stage involves the romantic, stars-in-the-eyes phase. This strong stage is accompanied with the great desire to be with your new love.
The second phase is the Accommodation phase. "Okay, maybe love isn't so perfect." Even Romeo and Juliet, had they been married, would have had to go through the day-to-day realities. Roles are created, expectations are made, and compromises are forced to be agreed upon. Your partner's habits, needs, angers, upsets, and all different moods become yours. One must go through the transition of living for yourself to living for your partner. To overcome these bumps in the road, the couple must learn to problem solve and communicate greatly.
The third phase is known as the challenge phase. "Trouble in paradise." It is undetermined how strong a couple actually is until life throws its challenges at them. This stage raises the awareness of what the partners should expect during the rougher times. This stage definitely involves toughness in that the partners must give each other many chances, and avoid looking for another partner. How couples react in this phase foreshadows how they will be in The Cross Roads Stage, the fourth phase.
"What do I do at this stage of my life?" This stage differs from the Challenge Phase in that many challenges have already occurred and been overcome. In this stage, we can often witness the desire for one partner to change the other, which leads into the idea of whether or not people have the ability to change. You can see how Psychologist, Dori Kaplan, feels about this under the interviews.
The last phase is the rebirth. "New marriage." Only about 15% of all couples reach this stage. Wow! Doesn't seem like a lot! The partners now discover the person they really married. This is the difficulty with marriage. Most of the time, one has a lot more time to learn about their partner after they're married than before. Many truths become revealed throughout these phases. However, couples learn to appreciate and love each other once again during this final stage.
If you're interested in a really cute, short clip, watch the one below!
Although many of us wish we could experience love this way, the reality is that for the majority of us, relationships involve certain phases.
The first phase is the honeymoon. "Love--ain't it great!" This stage involves the romantic, stars-in-the-eyes phase. This strong stage is accompanied with the great desire to be with your new love.
The second phase is the Accommodation phase. "Okay, maybe love isn't so perfect." Even Romeo and Juliet, had they been married, would have had to go through the day-to-day realities. Roles are created, expectations are made, and compromises are forced to be agreed upon. Your partner's habits, needs, angers, upsets, and all different moods become yours. One must go through the transition of living for yourself to living for your partner. To overcome these bumps in the road, the couple must learn to problem solve and communicate greatly.
The third phase is known as the challenge phase. "Trouble in paradise." It is undetermined how strong a couple actually is until life throws its challenges at them. This stage raises the awareness of what the partners should expect during the rougher times. This stage definitely involves toughness in that the partners must give each other many chances, and avoid looking for another partner. How couples react in this phase foreshadows how they will be in The Cross Roads Stage, the fourth phase.
"What do I do at this stage of my life?" This stage differs from the Challenge Phase in that many challenges have already occurred and been overcome. In this stage, we can often witness the desire for one partner to change the other, which leads into the idea of whether or not people have the ability to change. You can see how Psychologist, Dori Kaplan, feels about this under the interviews.
The last phase is the rebirth. "New marriage." Only about 15% of all couples reach this stage. Wow! Doesn't seem like a lot! The partners now discover the person they really married. This is the difficulty with marriage. Most of the time, one has a lot more time to learn about their partner after they're married than before. Many truths become revealed throughout these phases. However, couples learn to appreciate and love each other once again during this final stage.
If you're interested in a really cute, short clip, watch the one below!
Break Ups
Along with relationships come the terrible and unfortunate break ups! Each of the phases of grieving a failed relationship lasts different lengths, depending on the amount of hurt one has to recover from. One of the hardest parts of this whole process is trying to understand where things went wrong, whether it was you or your partner who initiated it, keeping in mind that it can often be both! Problems often arise when people try to move through the process too rapidly, or fall into another relationship when they're not physically and or emotionally ready to commit to someone new.
The first stage is acknowledgement. At this point, it is difficult to do anything other than actually realize the break up has occurred, and you are no longer with the person you loved. The healthiest action to take during this stage is to release your feelings either with the help of a friend, music, art, or writing.
The second stage connects to this as well. Hiding your feelings might feel good in the beginning, but in the long run it's not healthy. You will free yourself faster than if you pretend you're coping just fine and don't give yourself healing time. Everyone expresses themselves differently during this stage, but anything that releases the tears, anger, and regret is efficient.
Thirdly is the nurture stage. This is when your friends and family play an important role. Many people often look for a new relationship during this stage, which is too early for them to feel completely prepared to move on. Your friends and family must hold the relationship position while you are still coping with the rest of the phases.
Fourthly, it is important to reward yourself. It's understandable that it be hard to love yourself when the last person you loved no longer loves you. Give yourself compensation for all the suffering you have gone through. Do anything that makes yourself look and feel better than you ever have before. This stage isn't about revenge. Think positive. A breakup can be the beginning to a totally new you, whether this is life changing or smaller, it is still important to be aware of!
The last and final stage is moving on. Look at the bigger picture, this way you can accept the situation for what it is, without the pain. This is when the pieces of the puzzle can come together at last. The reasons for the breakup become clearer and it's important to think about the things you have learned about relationships and most importantly, yourself. If you have achieved all of the five stages and it pleases you, then you're ready to look for someone new who will greatly value the new you as well!
Work Cited
The first stage is acknowledgement. At this point, it is difficult to do anything other than actually realize the break up has occurred, and you are no longer with the person you loved. The healthiest action to take during this stage is to release your feelings either with the help of a friend, music, art, or writing.
The second stage connects to this as well. Hiding your feelings might feel good in the beginning, but in the long run it's not healthy. You will free yourself faster than if you pretend you're coping just fine and don't give yourself healing time. Everyone expresses themselves differently during this stage, but anything that releases the tears, anger, and regret is efficient.
Thirdly is the nurture stage. This is when your friends and family play an important role. Many people often look for a new relationship during this stage, which is too early for them to feel completely prepared to move on. Your friends and family must hold the relationship position while you are still coping with the rest of the phases.
Fourthly, it is important to reward yourself. It's understandable that it be hard to love yourself when the last person you loved no longer loves you. Give yourself compensation for all the suffering you have gone through. Do anything that makes yourself look and feel better than you ever have before. This stage isn't about revenge. Think positive. A breakup can be the beginning to a totally new you, whether this is life changing or smaller, it is still important to be aware of!
The last and final stage is moving on. Look at the bigger picture, this way you can accept the situation for what it is, without the pain. This is when the pieces of the puzzle can come together at last. The reasons for the breakup become clearer and it's important to think about the things you have learned about relationships and most importantly, yourself. If you have achieved all of the five stages and it pleases you, then you're ready to look for someone new who will greatly value the new you as well!
Work Cited
